This article inspired me to publish
related content to my
initial essay and create a
regular section, now titled "You Just Have
to Laugh." Joe Assad
is an old family friend. Somehow
through email,
I got the URL to this
article and discovered "LocalVibe.com"
...
Joe Assad runs away with
himself, letting his social conscience
over take him. He relates a
story of a drive down McKinley one morning,
surrounded by smoggers and
joggers and his irrepressible urge to warn these
health conscious folk of the
dangers to their health. Joe helps us see, through the haze,
a dash of vanity and a lungful of danger.
Driving
Down the McKinley Gas Chamber,
Before
the Intersection of Deadsa.
By
Joe Assad
Congratulations!
We have made the top ten
list, yet again, of polluted cities:
Beijing Shanghai Mexico
Athens Peru Bombay Tehran Jakarta Bangkok Manila.
Edsa should be renamed
Deadsa...McKinley Rd should be McKinley Tunnel or
McKinley Gas Chamber.
I see idiot joggers jogging
along McKinley all the time.
Some joggers pick the rush
hour to jog so they will make sure everybody and
his cousin driving along
McKinley Gas Chamber will be sure to see them
and how cute they look in
their jogging outfits...and be sure to breathe
some of their carbon
monoxide as the drive by.
Today I saw a Greek god w/
his long blond hair bouncing at every
step neatly tied down with a
red head band... the little earphones, probably
listening to Barry
Manilow...and his ski glasses to shield
his eyes from the haze...his
sleeveless T-shirt cut
right in the middle to expose his
tanned muscular abdomen...
his short short short short
pink shorts... his Nike running shoes...
he was in fashion...in the
haze,
the haze on McKinley.
Excuse me sir.... I said
slowing down
beside this airheadjogger,
opening the passenger’s window
just a crack with the
electric switch from my cockpit...so he can
see my face and so no carbon
monoxide will seep in...I had my air-con
on at full blast.
Excuse me?...I don’t mean to
make you lose your momentum..
.but you must be new in
town...I drive here every day to work and back and
I haven’t noticed you
before.
Yes I'm new in town, why? He
said this, smiling.
Oh god now he's going to
think I am gay and I’m trying to pick
him up! What
did I get my self into?
Drive away! Just close that window and drive away...
Don’t even explain just drive away!
I should listen more to the
wife when she
says don’t mind the idiot
joggers...It’s none of
your business if they
jog in the polluted
streets...why does it bother
you?
Why do you care? MYOB...mind
your own business...OK?
But I can’t help it. I'm a loving caring sharing kind
of guy....I have a big
heart.
The Greek god w/ the
Arkansas state T-shirt smiled
at my question. Yes I am new in town. Hi!
Excuse me sir...but I'm w/
the pollution
police...and I have to warn
you that you are jogging in a red zone,
which basically means it is
a high carbonmonoxide level zone.
A "jog at your own risk
zone." Look down the street sir...
do you see a light
greyishblue haze?
Why yes.
Well sir you are in that
haze right now, and it’s not the early morning fog...
its smog. And I am sorry to
tell you that we are among the top ten most
polluted cities in the
world. When you jog you breathe in ten times
faster than you normally do,
so you automatically take
in ten times more of that
obnoxious carbon monoxide.
You might have lost a few
ounces jogging ...and all the
ladies and gentlemen driving
by must have
thought, oh what a good
looking jogger he is...
good-looking but stupid...because you have also
certainly breathed in the
equivalent of two cartons
of local leaded diesel
Marlboros. Do yourself a favor and do
your share to help the
economy and stay fit at the same time, sir...
sign up at a local gym. By
the way do u know the name of this street?
Why yes, this is McKinley
Road.
No, sir, it’s McKinley Gas
Chamber.
What hotel are you staying
in?
(uh oh, now he's really
going to think I'm gay.)
Shangri-La. I jogged here
from there...care to come over and have a drink?
Oh no, sir, I just wanted to
tell you also that when at your hotel and
you are waiting for a ride
or a cab or something...wait inside the
glass hotel doors ...rather
than breathe in all that smog trapped
under the entrance, which is
also a pollution red zone.
You wouldn’t happen to have gone to Starbucks
in front of the hotel would
you?
Yes, after jogging I have a
nice
cold frappuccino while
I dry the sweat off me.
Sitting on the sidewalk?
Why yes.
That’s also a polluted red
zone. Oh, OK. Th...ank y..ou, I mean,
Thank you. (he says this,
gasping), his face turning into a blue zone from being in the red zone.
Don’t mention it. Thank the
pollution police. It’s a dirty job but someone has to do it.
About The Writer
Joe Assad, a confessed Net junkie, drives through the red zones of Metro Manila
everyday
If you have any interesting stories that speak to "You Just Have to Laugh"
or "Only in the Philippines" please send it to me via email at mailto:gracespace@pacbell.net
with your permission
for me to publish it..
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